Eating Anything Halal Is Letting The Terrorists Win

One might consider reading publications such as Melbourne's Herald Sun as something beyond the pale for any self respecting human being. However, that would be denying the fact that the paper can provide some wonderful comic relief to a reader's otherwise deary and over-serious day. For example, take the situation that faced me on Saturday. As I eventually woke up, a fear came over me: I still needed to buy Christmas presents for my parents. These two had proven near impossible to buy for, and with under 48 hours to go, the pressure was on.

Having skipped breakfast, your writer had rushed down to the train station to head into the city in a tired, anxious and hungry state. The stress was getting to me and my iPod was stuck on a loop of Pan Sonic style "easy listening". How was I going to make my way through this? My salvation came in the form of a copy of that day's Herald Sun located on the seat of the train. (Never thought I would type that!)

I threw out the lifestyle and real estate sections, discarded the gossip columns at the back, disposed of the classifieds and tore out the jingoistic crap about Warne at the front of the paper. Within the remaining 9 pages, through all of the carefully placed puff pieces and advertising, I managed to find the reason why I still think, despite all logic, that the Herald Sun should be allowed to exist. The title grabbed me straight away, uplifting me with hope.

Unholy row at barbie

Could it be? Is this the article that will take my mind off of any serious issue that may be plaguing me and/or the world? I read on:

SOME parents are upset that an end-of-year barbecue is serving only halal meat.

Pascoe Vale North Primary School had its traditional Christmas party on Wednesday this week.

The school served only halal sausages -- slaughtered and blessed according to rules set down in the Koran -- angering some parents.

YEEESSSSS!!!!!! I had hit tabloid comedy pay dirt. It had hit all of the buttons that need to be pushed in modern tabloid journalism.

1. Something that can be used to beat up those evil Muslims with.
2. The defence of the glorious tradition of Christmas, upon which the hopes of Peace, Western Civilisation and a local horse winning the next Melbourne cup, among other things rests.
3. Evil state schools not being Christian enough (and in cahoots with the Muslims, can it get any better?)

Now sure, point 3 looks a bit stupid when you consider that the school was holding a Christmas party. And quite a few people might argue that there is no real problem for non Muslims regarding Halal food and that the parents of the Catholic daughter mentioned are probably severely overreacting out of ignorance of what Halal means, or that they had better make sure that they do not give their daughter a Cadbury brand Easter Egg next year. But that would be applying logic and reasoning to the situation thereby killing my buzz. A bit like the principal of Pascoe Vale North Primary School that the Hun managed to get a grovelling, defensive quote out of:

Principal Peter Adams said the kids really liked the sausages.

"The sausages are from a local supplier and the most delicious sausages in the world," he said.

"Given the sausages were so delicious and tasted similar to ordinary sausages, for practical reasons we thought it would be easier to serve halal sausages to everyone.

"The kids had a great time and they all enjoyed the sausages."

Mr Adams said prep students also received presents from Santa at the party.

"Pascoe Vale North Primary students, teachers and parents believe the true message of Christmas is peace, love and tolerance," he said.

"At our Christmas party we celebrate it all and we had Santa who gave presents to all the preps."

What gives, Mr Adams? Don't you know that Andrew Bolt is on a well earned holiday? Couldn't you have joined in this blatant beat up? It's not as if people would have taken you're comments as being anything but sarcastic. But no, you just had to bring me back into the depressing real world rather than the comic book escapism that the Hun was going for. Thanks a lot.

P.S. Larvatus Prodeo also comment on the story.

P.P.S. If you can't tell that this post is somewhat sarcastic, then God/Allah/Buddha/whoever have mercy on your soul, even if it is not Halal.