Today's Musical Selection: Friends by De La Soul
From the Mission Impossible Album
Poor little Bracksy!
After the shenanigans of the 2004 federal election that saw Packer Family First sail into the Senate on the back of ALP preferences, despite wining only 1.88% of first preferences, the ALP are in shock after the DLP managed to get two seats in the reformed Victorian Upper House on the back of ALP preferences despite getting around 2% of first preferences and requiring a higher quota than Packer Family First did to win their federal Senate seat. The poor dears! Someone get them a nice cup of tea and somewhere to put their feet up until they can get their heads around all this.
OR
Tell them to get fucked! Why should anyone be feeling sorry (or even shocked) that the ALP has shot themselves in the foot by causing the election of two (count them, two) DLP members by giving them preferences over other parties such as the Greens who might actually be somewhat close to (or indeed anywhere near) the ALP in terms of policy outlook and political ideology. But I hear you say "why would they do that"? Just because the ALP reformed the Upper House themselves AND the vast majority of their voters and members would have preferred the Greens to the DLP (or the Country Alliance who were also preferenced ahead of the Greens in some UH electorates) AND the Greens were likely to be in favour of quite a lot of the policies of the ALP AND that they have now revived a hated political enemy that had been pronounced dead back in the 1970s you expect them to somehow pick the shinny new Ferrari over "what's in the box"? Dear God, take a look at yourself, will you.
That sort of thing would mean that the Victorian ALP would have to base there preference deals around such ideas as principles and representing the will of their supporters and other crap like that. You think that fits in with this thing called politics? No, you have got to try to win seats by screwing over parties (in these two cases, The Greens) by denying them preferences even though most ALP voters probably wouldn't vote for FF or the DLP if their lives depended on it.
Now, you might be thinking that Sir Spell Cheque is just a cynical old crackpot who voted for The Greens and is pissed off that they didn't win as many seats as hoped. Well you would be wrong on one count: Sir Spell Cheque is actually rather young. But as for being cynical, Sir Spell Cheque has managed to gain exclusive access to an audio tape of the ALP sub committee for preference deals discussing how to preference in the (then) upcoming election. Read the transcript below and judge for yourselves.
ALP Guy 1: OK guys, we've got another election coming up on the 25th on November.
ALP Guys 2 & 3: Oh gees, not again!
ALP Guy 4: Yeah I know, they are a pain in the arse!
ALP Guy 1: Settle down you lot, we've got work to do.
ALP Guy 2: What, we've got to make up some policies?
ALP Guy 1: *Chokes on his biscuit* Shit no! What the hell gave you the idea that the ALP was about policies? ALP Guy 5, take ALP Guy 2 down to the disciplinary committee and tell them that he's to stay there until after the next federal election.
ALP Guy 5: Sure thing ALP Guy 1. Come on ALP Guy 2, if you go quietly we might let you back out in time to have a go for the 2010 election.
*ALP Guys 2 & 5 leave for downstairs*
ALP Guy 4: Now that that pinko has left, can I ask why are we here?
ALP Guy 1: We've got to decide who we're going to preference in the UP for the election.
ALP Guy 3: Don't you think we should ask the members via a vote?
ALP Guy 1: I can call ALP Guy 5 back up here to sort you out as well, ALP Guy 3!
ALP Guy 3: Comment withdrawn.
ALP Guy 4: I think that we should try to win as many seats for ourselves, no matter how unprincipled we have to be.
ALP Guy 1: Now that's the spirit! Listen to him ALP Guy 3, you could learn alot from him.
ALP Guy 3: So..... we should preference The Greens?
ALP Guy 1: Of course not. They have a decent chance of winning a seat. What we have to do is preference some nutbag party that has no chance.
ALP Guy 4: Like with Family First in the 2004 election.
ALP Guy 1: Yeah!
ALP Guy 3: But didn't that one come back to bite us on the arse?
ALP Guy 1: Yeah.... but that was a one off.
ALP Guy 4: So how do we prevent that this time?
ALP Guy 1: Easy, we just start really laying into The Greens despite them being the party closest to us.
ALP Guy 3: But what if they still look like doing well?
ALP Guy 1: Then we'll put out some story about them preferencing the Liberals over us.
ALP Guy 4: But they would never do that.
ALP Guy 1: Well duh. But what else could we use to appeal to people thinking of voting for The Greens? You know that policy's out.
ALP Guys 3 & 4: Yeah, fair enough.
ALP Guy 1: That's the way fellas. So we're agreed then? Preference the DLP ahead of The Greens?
ALP Guy 3: Yeah, the DLP would never win a seat.
ALP Guy 4: Yeah they're no hopers.
ALP Guy 1: Excellent. Now that that's sorted, I need you two to send this press release to the Herald Sun.
ALP Guy 4: What's it about?
ALP Guy 1: Nothing much. Just some bullshit about how Bob Brown will come around to your house to force your children to take homosexual heroin while raping kittens.
ALP Guy 3: Thank God! I thought it was a Public Transport policy.
ALP Guy 1: *On mobile phone*ALP Guy 5, can you come back up here ASAP?
P.S. Urban Creature & AnonymousLefty have some discussion on how to change the situation.
From the Mission Impossible Album
Poor little Bracksy!
After the shenanigans of the 2004 federal election that saw Packer Family First sail into the Senate on the back of ALP preferences, despite wining only 1.88% of first preferences, the ALP are in shock after the DLP managed to get two seats in the reformed Victorian Upper House on the back of ALP preferences despite getting around 2% of first preferences and requiring a higher quota than Packer Family First did to win their federal Senate seat. The poor dears! Someone get them a nice cup of tea and somewhere to put their feet up until they can get their heads around all this.
OR
Tell them to get fucked! Why should anyone be feeling sorry (or even shocked) that the ALP has shot themselves in the foot by causing the election of two (count them, two) DLP members by giving them preferences over other parties such as the Greens who might actually be somewhat close to (or indeed anywhere near) the ALP in terms of policy outlook and political ideology. But I hear you say "why would they do that"? Just because the ALP reformed the Upper House themselves AND the vast majority of their voters and members would have preferred the Greens to the DLP (or the Country Alliance who were also preferenced ahead of the Greens in some UH electorates) AND the Greens were likely to be in favour of quite a lot of the policies of the ALP AND that they have now revived a hated political enemy that had been pronounced dead back in the 1970s you expect them to somehow pick the shinny new Ferrari over "what's in the box"? Dear God, take a look at yourself, will you.
That sort of thing would mean that the Victorian ALP would have to base there preference deals around such ideas as principles and representing the will of their supporters and other crap like that. You think that fits in with this thing called politics? No, you have got to try to win seats by screwing over parties (in these two cases, The Greens) by denying them preferences even though most ALP voters probably wouldn't vote for FF or the DLP if their lives depended on it.
Now, you might be thinking that Sir Spell Cheque is just a cynical old crackpot who voted for The Greens and is pissed off that they didn't win as many seats as hoped. Well you would be wrong on one count: Sir Spell Cheque is actually rather young. But as for being cynical, Sir Spell Cheque has managed to gain exclusive access to an audio tape of the ALP sub committee for preference deals discussing how to preference in the (then) upcoming election. Read the transcript below and judge for yourselves.
ALP Guy 1: OK guys, we've got another election coming up on the 25th on November.
ALP Guys 2 & 3: Oh gees, not again!
ALP Guy 4: Yeah I know, they are a pain in the arse!
ALP Guy 1: Settle down you lot, we've got work to do.
ALP Guy 2: What, we've got to make up some policies?
ALP Guy 1: *Chokes on his biscuit* Shit no! What the hell gave you the idea that the ALP was about policies? ALP Guy 5, take ALP Guy 2 down to the disciplinary committee and tell them that he's to stay there until after the next federal election.
ALP Guy 5: Sure thing ALP Guy 1. Come on ALP Guy 2, if you go quietly we might let you back out in time to have a go for the 2010 election.
*ALP Guys 2 & 5 leave for downstairs*
ALP Guy 4: Now that that pinko has left, can I ask why are we here?
ALP Guy 1: We've got to decide who we're going to preference in the UP for the election.
ALP Guy 3: Don't you think we should ask the members via a vote?
ALP Guy 1: I can call ALP Guy 5 back up here to sort you out as well, ALP Guy 3!
ALP Guy 3: Comment withdrawn.
ALP Guy 4: I think that we should try to win as many seats for ourselves, no matter how unprincipled we have to be.
ALP Guy 1: Now that's the spirit! Listen to him ALP Guy 3, you could learn alot from him.
ALP Guy 3: So..... we should preference The Greens?
ALP Guy 1: Of course not. They have a decent chance of winning a seat. What we have to do is preference some nutbag party that has no chance.
ALP Guy 4: Like with Family First in the 2004 election.
ALP Guy 1: Yeah!
ALP Guy 3: But didn't that one come back to bite us on the arse?
ALP Guy 1: Yeah.... but that was a one off.
ALP Guy 4: So how do we prevent that this time?
ALP Guy 1: Easy, we just start really laying into The Greens despite them being the party closest to us.
ALP Guy 3: But what if they still look like doing well?
ALP Guy 1: Then we'll put out some story about them preferencing the Liberals over us.
ALP Guy 4: But they would never do that.
ALP Guy 1: Well duh. But what else could we use to appeal to people thinking of voting for The Greens? You know that policy's out.
ALP Guys 3 & 4: Yeah, fair enough.
ALP Guy 1: That's the way fellas. So we're agreed then? Preference the DLP ahead of The Greens?
ALP Guy 3: Yeah, the DLP would never win a seat.
ALP Guy 4: Yeah they're no hopers.
ALP Guy 1: Excellent. Now that that's sorted, I need you two to send this press release to the Herald Sun.
ALP Guy 4: What's it about?
ALP Guy 1: Nothing much. Just some bullshit about how Bob Brown will come around to your house to force your children to take homosexual heroin while raping kittens.
ALP Guy 3: Thank God! I thought it was a Public Transport policy.
ALP Guy 1: *On mobile phone*ALP Guy 5, can you come back up here ASAP?
P.S. Urban Creature & AnonymousLefty have some discussion on how to change the situation.
1 comment:
"ALP Guy 1: Nothing much. Just some bullshit about how Bob Brown will come around to your house to force your children to take homosexual heroin while raping kittens.
ALP Guy 3: Thank God! I thought it was a Public Transport policy."
Gold.
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